Day 189 - "Fade" Jakwob feat. Maiday
I was unsure if I was looking forward to my guitar lesson or not tonight. I possess an abysmal desire to learn how to play the guitar but I have been frustrated by my aching hand. My hand was so incredibly strained from trying to depress the strings after my last lesson that I couldn't even push open a door with that hand. As I am fairly new to being a guitarist, I am unfamiliar with guitar maintenance and tuning. I decided to bring my guitar in for a check up. Turns out that I was struggling with reason, there were many adjustments that needed to be done to my wooden friend. A little guitar lingo; my guitar needed to have the truss rod tightened, new strings (light gauge) and also the bridge was lifting so it needed to be re-glued and clamped. These few improvements to my guitar did wonders for my performance at tonight's lesson! I now have increased confidence in my new skill and I couldn't put my guitar down because I was having so much fun.
I have applied this struggle-adjustment-improvement lesson to my life and realized that at times I tend to make my days unnecessarily difficult. I am exceedingly tolerable and I try to endure more than my little heart and body can handle. I am in a soul searching stage of trying to figure out how to express what I am feeling inside to those around me. I hide a lot and I wear an impenetrable mask. I figure most people do this for the same reason as I do - to be a peacekeeper and to try to keep life simple. I learned the hard way that it is not healthy to keep everything bottled up.
My dear friend Cortney had known me for almost two years before she first saw me cry for the first time early last year...and wow did I cry that day. I cried all day in fact. I had repressed my deepest fears and emotions from her (and the world) until I couldn't hold it in any longer. I had broken down and oddly enough Cortney was smiling. She was overjoyed to see me untie my mask. I tried very hard to keep my mask off but slowly I had started to put on another mask. It wasn't until the day that I had started my blog when I started to slowly untie my mask again.
Tomorrow I shall continuing strumming the newer strings of people that I have in my life and continue working on untying this mask...to the Gorilla House!
xox
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